31 December 2016

The year of transformation

Seven hours left before new year and I am willing to write down my thoughts about this year that comes to its end tonight.
I am one of those who share those "hate" posts of 2016 and I am not embarrassed. I admit that this was the toughest year I have been through all my life.
I tried very hard not to crush - even I did crush and managed to get through - even I felt desperate and sinking into depression and I managed to get through - I am here at the end trying to smile a little and finally find some hope jumping out of the fire and ruins.
I would say that at the beginning of the year I had a kind of plan on my mind but I changed it after 3 months and then changed it again and again. I was trying to find my own path through the path of another human being and that was a total mistake. Trying to change your life and your destination for someone else's desires is the biggest mistake you can ever make. You can not know what is going on inside anyone else's mind. Actually, sometimes you can not even know what exactly is going on on your own mind.
Then on April I gratuated and got my master and moved to my hometown.
It was like I had known what I wanted but then I wanted something else. But as I said before you cannot control other people's mind that brings conflicts and nervousness.
Durring the summer I had health problems and then I had to deal with toxic people, so I came into September without even had a relaxed moment.
This is when my family had to deal with death and the power of moment. The moment when your uncle crush with a car while riding a bike. It was 5 days and the end. Power of moment, I repeat.
When you face death you blame yourself for the depression you experience for boyfriends and toxic relationships. You actually feel stupid. That was my October, when I learned that my grandmother had cancer on her gut and she would have a surgery on November. Again I was feeling that I was sinking in depression and negative thoughts.
Of course all these were just some adding problems while I used to go to almost every hospital located in northern greece for my father's serious health problem, which started on 2011 and on 2016 came to its peak. Since September I can not even remember how many hours I have spent on hospitals. And this is hard. You deal every time and day with death, which I recognise that is something that we should never forget but when you deal with it all the time you become negative. And this is when you have to fight and deal with it.
At this year I lost a person that though that actually loved me but that was my mistake. I am one of those with romantic thoughts and minds but the world is actually tougher than that.
When someone does not recognise what you are getting through, in mind and body then is that time that you let go. You let go because they blame you for what have happened to you without even try to help you get through those had spiritual situations. And when you understand that those people actually are not close to you when you have to been through tough situations but only want to have you when you are strong, happy and wealthy, yes, at this time, you let go.


Some words about what helped me to deal with bad thoughts and bad health.
2016 was a year of body transformation. I had tryed many gym programmes before and I supposed to be healthy, but nothing ever helped me before, spiritually and physically as yoga did. Yoga, breathing and clean food restarted my whole body and spirit (OK I hurt my leg while doing yoga on novermber but please, my november was so tough that I actually forgot it).

Today, or now, I am in my comfy warm clothes, in my room in my hometown and I am facing an interview in two weeks. Is something that I really want but 2016, taught me that everything happens for a reason, and now I AM STRONG enough to get through everything.
Thank you 2016,
2017 please bring health, happiness, hope and peace to everyone's heart.
Sending love and best wishes everybody.

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